Dating Transwomen: A User’s Guide

Part One: Does She Have a Dick?
A Guide to dating Transgendered Bodies

Dick, cock, phallus, wanky monkey, one eyed willy, wand of life, mandingo, dilly, disco stick, limp bizkit, joystick, flüge, dipstick, taco hammer, dwonger,hang dong, weiner, tally whacker, 100% all beef schlobongalong, manhood, sea cucumber, wanger, donkey kong dong shlong, smokin pole, tickle stick, ladysnake, hooded ninja, jizz gun, penis. Does she have a dick? That is the first thing you want to know if you are going to date a transgender woman. What is the packaging like, and could you possibly even consider dating someone with a dick? Wouldn’t that make you gay if it turns out she has a penis?

Cooter, pussy, box, bearded clam, vajayjay, cunt, vag, slut, slit, velvet lounge, beaver, pootytang, taint, crotch waffle, lady cave, camel toe, center of the universe, pearly gates, yoni, vagina. Even if she does have a vagina, what is that about? Did they have to cut off her dick to make it? How does it even work?

Here is one narrative for transgender women: I turn on the TV, and I see a transgender woman and several gay men being portrayed in a commercial. They’re having fun, going on dates, and taking prep, the medication which can prevent HIV transmission. The woman in the commercial is very beautiful. She has full lips and beautiful hair, she is by most standards very desirable, but just so you know: she is transgender. She drops her voice just a little as she tells you she is on the pill, but it isn’t the pill to prevent pregnancy, it is the pill to prevent HIV.

Another narrative for transgender women goes like this: I thought I knew everything there was to know about dating. It is so easy, how could it be anything but easy anymore? You get on an online dating site, you browse through all the profiles until you find some that you like. You run them through your filters, and then when you get that queasy feeling in your stomach, you write to one of them. Then you go on a date, which is a disaster. Then you spend four weeks thinking about everything that was wrong with the person you went out with. You blog about it, you post to social media, you ghost the person you went on one date with, you think about your future children and what they would say about your life choices. Then, after six weeks of no sex and stewing about that one choice you made, you return to social media and do it all over again.

Part Two
The Transgender Top Ten

Here is a checklist of the ten questions you want to ask about but are afraid to because you think the questions are offensive or inappropriate. Please fill in the blank space if there is an item missing:

1.What does a transgender Vagina feel like?

It feels absolutely amazing. It feels like the beginning of life, like the big bang, like the sun burning. It feels like a thousand rose petals; it feels like a divine ecstatic transformation; it feels like eating chocolate and fucking and cumming and winning the lottery all at the same time, it feels like home.

2.How does it lubricate itself?

With lube or coconut oil, although some vaginas can self lubricate through a special kind of surgery.

3.Do transgender women like anal?

Some transgender women love anal. Do you like anal? If you have never tried it, you really should — it is amazing.

4.Are transgender women really just men pretending to be women?

No, transgender women are not pretending, and they are not men. transgender women hate being misgendered unless they are gender fluid or say they don’t care. Please do not ever misgender a transgender woman; it is one of the worst things you can do. Gender identity is complicated, and it isn’t generally understood. But the expression of gender identity is understood. Some people think they are women, and other people think they are men. Some people want to be part of a binary that has a whole set of cultural constructions that go way back in human history. Those people who want to be women — and those people who want to be men — get lots of pleasure and joy and peace because of their identities, their relationships, and the agreements they make amongst themselves. What I am saying is that in order to ask if transgender women are women, you must first ask if women are women. Because the implication when you really think about it is that the category of woman is a general expression of a social construction that has some sort of a basis in the human body. We know from science that human bodies are dimorphous and that gender is just a flip of a gene in embryonic development. Beyond that, bodies are very, very similar.

5.What is autogynophelia?

Autogynophelia is a deeply transphobic idea. It was developed by people involved in the culture wars who seek to shut down any real support for civil rights for transgender people. It is similar to theories of conversion therapy and is often used as an argument to disable any discussion about the personal and political rights of the transgender community. It is a form of toxic logic which has its origin in heteronormative expectations of transgendered bodies

6. How do transgender women have an orgasm?

Great question! There are lots of ways for transgender women to have orgasms, they can have an orgasm the old fashioned way by having their clitoris licked and stroked and serviced by a really hot transgender man. Transgender women can also have sex with their penis and make their transgender girlfriend cum at the same time as her. Transgender women can have nipple orgasms, and they can have a prostrate orgasm through their vagina, transgender women can have anal orgasms, and they can have ecstatic orgasms just laying in the sun and letting the warm rays of light warm up their cooch. Transgender women are totally into orgasms!

7.Do most transwomen have a penis?

Yes, a lot of transgender women do have a penis. Most transgender women choose not to have surgery because of the cost or the lack of access to surgery or because they are very happy with their female body including their penis. Many transgender women don’t want to be reminded that they have a penis because it contributes to their gender dysphoria. But some transgender women love their penis and don’t have any problem with it in fact they might love to use it to have sex with you!

8.When a transgender woman has a sex change do they cut off her penis?

No. transgender women do not cut off their penis to have a sex change. In fact, here’s what happens with all that great super sensitive skin with lots of nerve endings. Surgeons can do so many amazing things these days, like heart surgery, brain surgery, and all kinds of plastic and reconstructive surgery. Some of them specialize in complex surgery in parts of the body where so many vital systems come together. Through their amazing dedication to study and learning, those very same surgeons have become wizards at reusing and repurposing skin, tissue, and nerve endings, just like we do with plastic bottles, scraps of fabric, and old furniture, or just like nature does in a forest. They repurpose all those vital aspects of one kind of body part and recreate them into another amazing body part — a vagina with depth that has healthy tissue and can stretch to absorb many different kinds of objects of different sizes, including a penis, a vibrator, or a dildo. They also use that same tissue to make a clitoris, which I can testify to from first hand experience feels amazing. They can make a clitoris that feels so good to be sucked on and rubbed and that swells when it is stimulated, and it looks really good! They can even make a labia and everything, so it is really kind of a miracle what surgeons can do with transgender women’s bodies.

9. Do transgender women like to suck cock?

Personally I love to suck clit, but if a clit isn’t handy, then I might suck a cock.

10. Why do transgender women have so many problems?

Transgender women aren’t psychotic or basket cases.They aren’t dangerous or criminal, and they don’t have any more problems than the rest of the general population. But transgender women do suffer from gender dysphoria, which can have lots of negative implications including depression and suicidal ideation. Transgender women are strong and resilient, but we are still human. So if you meet one of us and we are a little sensitive, just have some consideration for everything we have to go through just to get to be our authentic selves.

Part Three
Fantasy Versus Reality in Objectifying Transgender Women

So it turns out that the most popular imagining of transgender women is as a woman with a penis, a ladyboy, a shemale, etc. These terms are offensive to many transgender women. If you do a search of transgender porn you will find that almost all transgender porn is about women with a penis dominating a man or servicing a male in some other way. This does illustrate the reality of what most porn is about — representing and recreating male fantasies. It also shows the most generous cultural expression or understanding of what transgender identity is about — unfortunately.

So let’s flip the narrative so we can understand a little better what is going on, and what is real about transgender women. Instead of looking for imaginings of transgender women with a penis servicing a man, instead look for porn about transgender women being brought to orgasm, serviced or in any other way, and being catered to. But especially look for images of transgender women coming to orgasm where the focus is on their pleasure and their experience of pleasure. You will find two videos. I have seen them both and they are very beautiful. My point is that these videos are very rare, and they are about women’s pleasure.

Transgender women are women and they exist in the context of a society that turns women into a fetish object whose purpose is primarily the sexual gratification of men. Luckily, our society is liberal enough, and broad enough, and open enough that women’s sexual pleasure matters too. Also, we are especially lucky that evolution has created a biological impulse for sexual pleasure and gratification for women and men, and that this instinct is prioritized in our species.

Indeed, our species is especially blessed to have an instinct for pleasure and for all the blessings which flow from pleasure. Orgasm and human contact bond our species in the most significant ways and form the basis for the most lasting and meaningful social relationships and traditions. In a very real way, everything about human culture has its origins in sex and pleasure. This is just as true for transgender women as it is for all women. transgender women are just as deserving and embracing of pleasure, satisfaction, orgasm and nurturing as cisgender women.

We love and crave touch; we desire all the passions of life, dance, food, music, fucking, exploring, laughing and living. Sex is inseparable from the myriad expressions of existence that create the entirety of our world. So much of what we want and do in life is about pleasure, and the lesson to learn about transgender women is that we are not objects. A transgender woman is not an ‘other’ that you need to feel sorry for because they are oppressed. They are not an object that you need to separate into another category of identity that is not human. A transgender woman is not a freak or an accident or something that is against the natural order. transgender women are beautiful, loving, nurturing women who want all the same expectations of life and relationships that you do. Just like our sisters, we are empowered to act as our own agents to find our pleasure and our place in life and the world, wherever we are.

Part Four
I am Woman, Hear Me Blog

Snow is my love, heat is my heart, rain is my emotion, the universe is my playpen. I was born under the shining and bright blue sky. Hi, my name is Anna, I am a woman. This is my blog. If you have read this far, then you are thinking about dating a transgender woman. I hope I have provided you with a user-friendly guide to help you get toward the space you want to get to as someone interested in transgender women.

So in summary, please remember: transgender women are women. We have women’s bodies, and we have women’s desires. It means that we love cats and ice cream. Some of us want to have children; some of us want to be child free. We want to be worshipped and adored, and we want you to suck our breasts, nurture our souls. and be our knight in shining armor. It means maybe we aren’t into you; we are into other women. We are women, and that means we get breast cancer (and so can men!) and suffer from bone loss, and when we age., we will turn into old women with all the dignity and joy of life that women deserve.

We want love, and we want to be fucked; we want to get it in the ass, and we want to dominate you. We want to cuddle and spoon and go to festivals; we want to cook and play with our children and protest. We go to church or synagogue or mosque or temple,or wicca gathering or native ceremony or atheist meetup. We want to ask questions and have conversations. We want to be the boss, and we want equal pay. We want to travel and explore and sleep with as many men as possible; we want to practice safe sex and be monogamous for life; we want to enjoy our asexual bodies. We want to love.

So if you want to date a transgender woman then that is what you are in for. Be prepared, because we are a trip. We will amaze you and inspire you — and you won’t be able to resist us, because we are fabulous and beautiful.