Romancing the Girls
A Guide to Transgender Lady Chasers Everywhere
So you have been scanning the pages of the Facebook group Ladychasers, lovingly caressing the cursor as you move across the photos one page after the next. Here you see a beautiful lady, her name is Jasmine, it says she lives in Alabama. She is looking for a sugar daddy to show her a good time. She has beautiful, black kinky hair teased up and styled. She says that she is a hairdresser from Montgomery. She is 22 and she is a top. She has tastefully done makeup and is wearing a slinky black dress that shows off her cleavage. She is beautiful, young and attractive and she is a transgender woman. Nervously, you click like on her group posts hoping she will notice you above the 66 people who have liked her so far today. You have just stepped into the Transgender dating zone.
First things first, let’s talk terminology before we discuss anything else. In the Transgender community we call you a tranny chaser, or shorter than that, a chaser. Don’t be put off by the term though, in addition to it being highly offensive to a majority of the community, the implications that it seemed to infer in the past are not always relevant in the current day and age. Nowadays most Transwomen want romance and love, they want the same thing we all want, to be loved and accepted as we are, who we are, where we are.
So that is lesson number one, Trans women want to be accepted and loved as women . We who identify as female want, desire and crave love and companionship more than anything. Just like a cisgender woman we want a meaningful, heartfelt connection. This is our most basic requirment in any situation is that first and foremost we are accepted. We are happy to give you blow jobs, if we have the body parts, we are happy to top you or to service you. We just want to be respected as the woman that we are. Underneath that slightly femme figure, behind that strong back, on the inside of that beautiful face is a brain and a mind that is thoroughly female. A female transgender who wants to give in, who wants to be surprised, swept off her feet and likes it a little rough.
So that is lesson number two, any rule that you would apply to dating a cisgender woman applies to a Transgender woman. Transgender women want to be treated with respect. We know that you know because if we are smart we are going to disclose as soon as it looks like it is getting serious. If we are posting on Transgender pages then we know that you know already, in fact we know that you are looking for some sweet cush, looking for a good time because something deep inside of you is fascinated, curious, or genuinely attracted to Trans women. For us, these are the best kinds of people in the entire world, women or men who are genuinely attracted to Trans women or men. We call it Trans attracted and it is not the same thing as chasers.
Chasers, which is a term mostly given to men who specifically pursue Trans women, is not necessarily a pejorative. In fact chasers are extremely gratifying and they feed the sexual appetites of a majority of transgender\cisgender sexual attraction. Call it a taste for difference, variety is the spice of life, forbidden fruit, whatever you call it, Chasers is a real force in theTransgender dating world and I don’t know many Transgender women who would turn down any kind of attention or love, because the truth is that most of us are craving love, touch, attention and romance and we will take it wherever we can find it.
So let’s move on to lesson three. You have your pencil out and you are taking notes, sitting at your desk eager to get on with your learning so that you can go home and play. Lesson three is consent. Consent is the most important factor in any relationship. If you are webchatting with a beautiful transgender woman get to know her a little first, maybe lay off the alchohol or drugs at first when meeting someone in person or talking to them online. A little drunk texting or drunk tinder swiping is always a fun Saturday night date but it doesn’t make good first impressions. Maybe when first meeting that special someone try a little sobriety and put your best face forward.
What does consent look like in a transgender/cisgender relationship? Let’s start by saying that yes means yes and no means no, unless you are in a bdsm relationship and you are crying out “yes yes yes” and then “no no no” and then “yes yes yes” again! If you are in a relationship where you like it a little rough then have a safe word because you may not know what to say when you are in the throws of ecstacy. Consent means different things to different people and in different relationships. In a transgender/cisgender relationship the most important thing is safety, what a trans woman is looking for is she needs to know that she is going to be safe.
It isn’t always the easiest thing to know because we are already socially isolated and stigmatized as a community, so for trans women we don’t always know what is safe or how to be safe. It is important to talk to other women and learn what safety means. Take a self defense course, listen to cisgender women, learn what it means to be safe and learn how to consent.
Consent goes both ways and it isn’t always so easy to know where the line is. I always encourage trans women to disclose for starters, so that your date knows what they are in for. Personally for safety I think is always important to discuss body parts and expectation at the start too. On the one hand, within the community we have a shared conversation that says it doesn’t matter what kind of body parts you have, you are your gender identity and it is important to respect that. This is true and we should never compromise, but life isn’t ideology and reality is much more personal than general truths. When the pants come off people want to know what they are in for. By far the most popular kind of trans woman is a beautiful sexy trans woman with a penis. Cisgender men especially want that kind of a trans woman, usually because they want to be topped and because it is just something they are in to.
Those of us who are post op and have lady parts are kind of second pickings in the transgender chaser community. Our value goes down in those communities, and we struggle with the complications of dating in a pool of people who have been informed mostly by porn and curiosity and want the unicorn trans woman with a penis. On the other hand, having a vagina is just there isn’t anything like it. Imagine that you died and went to the next incarnation and they were handing out free chocolate, vibrators and ecstasy. That is what it feels like to have a vagina when you weren’t born with one. Having the body parts that match our gender identities makes post op trans women the most amazing lovers. We are good in bed and we love to give so if you meet one of us give us a chance. Our vaginas our amazing, they feel like silk and cream and we are usually pretty tight so if you are a man we can make you happy. If you are a lesbian or straight woman give us a chance as well, strap ons and vibrators do wonders and we are usually more cued into female communication than you might assume. We can be good lovers and good friends.
There isn’t any judgement about desire. What we want in bed is all good. On the flip side of the trans female narrative is the transmasculine narrative. I have to be honest I don’t know as much about that being a trans woman. There are lots of women who love a really butch woman or a trans man, the intersecting lines between these spaces is a cultural land mine in the queer community, but remember we are talking about fucking, not perception. Fucking is everything and cumming is number one, but underneath all that cum and cuddling and oxytocin is community. What queers want, what trans folks want, what cisgender chasers and everyone in life wants is some love and affection. We want to know that we matter, that this kissing, this fucking, these orgasms, this giving of ourselves is something that we do because we have chosen to experience this ecstacy and and we want to share this joy.
So the final lesson I offer to tranny chasers every where is to really give of yourself. The most important connection is always an intimate connection. If you just want to get your dick sucked that is totally legit and there are lots of trans women who will suck your dick. Lots and lots of trans women love sucking cock and love getting fucked just as much as you love fucking or maybe even getting fucked yourself, but what really gets a girl in the g-spot, what really gets her in her head space where the ecstasy really happens is when a connection is heartfelt, when there is some skin in the game, when you are taking a chance. People are people, and trans folks aren’t any different. We all cum and we all want to be loved. So show a little love today and give her something to remember.
Anna
