Stalled on the romance superhighway
The best way to describe things overall, in the romance or sex departments (side note: that would be a pretty great department store) would be to say things have stalled.
I waited until the middle of last week to contact both Bonnie and Lucian. Bonnie, mostly, because she had her uncle’s funeral to go to last week, and Lucian…just because.
When I asked Bonnie how she was she replied with a cheery Hey :) I’m good. How are you doing? which seemed slightly at odds with the death of a relative, but maybe she didn’t want to discuss it. We’ve only met once, only kissed once, she maybe didn’t want to go into detail. Either way, I told her I was doing really well. And that was it. Neither of us mentioned meeting.
In part, I felt like because she had initiated it in the first place, and also been the one to cancel, she should be the one to ask about rescheduling. I also felt like she only asked about meeting in the first place because she wanted the attention, and I’m not going to feed her ego. Even if that means I don’t get nude pics, dirty conversations, or dates.
Wait, am I doing this right?
Lucian took two days to reply. He answered me on Friday, calling me bubby and telling me he didn’t answer sooner because he’d been having such an intense week “with meetings and openings” and he was so tired.
He proceeded to complain in several more messages about how tired he was. Unlike Bonnie, he didn’t even ask how I was out of politeness. Similar to Bonnie, he also didn’t make any mention of making plans again — despite being the one to cancel, and making a show of being so sad about it at the time. Maybe he thinks I should be chasing him. And maybe, seeing as how everything is so stalled, I should be.
The other night I dreamt of the girl I dated when I was 18. It wasn’t anything romantic, but in the dream she asked me to tell her a secret I’d never told anyone else. I thought it over, all of the big dark secrets were known to someone. Eventually I told her I’m still in love with you.
In the dream, she called me a cunt for it. I probably deserved that.
